hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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