the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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