he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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