Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
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So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
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Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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