I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
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