Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
