I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize