4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
