Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
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