I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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