did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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