No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
