now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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