please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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