I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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