im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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