She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless