She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
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she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
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My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.