apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
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He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
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Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.