i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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