Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize