Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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