Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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