i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
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