what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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