She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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