all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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