can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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