I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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