wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize