No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
10 Things Your Gyno Wants You To Stop Doing To Your Vagina
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
For Some Reason, Boys Are Singing The ‘Halo’ Theme Song In School Bathrooms
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine