Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.