I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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