guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
