If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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