I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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