He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
We are two peas in an std pod
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
