I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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