At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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