I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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