I think I won the penis lottery.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
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not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
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Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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