Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just gift wrapped bread.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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