Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
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One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
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I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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