I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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