i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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