Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize