i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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