did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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