I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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