I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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