two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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