do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
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Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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