I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
